Hope and Heartbreak

Anyone been wondering when in the world I would post again? Or, if maybe I had dropped off the face of the planet? Well let's be honest, to all... 5 people I have that actually "follow" my blog... I know you personally, and we talk outside of my blog. Maybe not as much as I'd like, but at least we talk. So you know in bits and pieces the things I have been facing. So why write what is already known? I find myself reflecting on things:

On hope - the hope I had for this year, the hope I had for friendships, for a relationship, for the future, the hope that has brought me to a stronger place, and the hope that has lead to heartbreak...

Let's get down and dirty shall we. I am a guarded person. I have been hurt, and have seen the damage of allowing someone in. Letting them see the deep dark side of you. Letting them see all your imperfections, only to watch them use those imperfections to crush your spirit. So to admit to someone that I am hoping for something, well that is a big risk. One better kept in the deep safe of my heart, told to no one, surrounded by walls. Walls so thick no man or beast could ever chip through them.... or so I thought. Then one not so special day... something happened. Something cracked, things began to leak, and I sat in fear of everything crashing down, desperately trying to stop the leak, to patch the hole, to keep it all in. Not even knowing how it happened. Somehow, someone had slipped in, undetected by the radar and patiently over time made progress. Slowly chipped away, slowly destroyed layer upon layer. Not with loud explosions or heavy machinery, no, that would have all too easily given away their position. But gently, with hand tools, slowly and painstakingly, pouring in love, time and effort chipped away until they were through. Who you ask? Who could manage such a feat? Someone who can love like no other. Someone who would be undetected on the outside of the walls, because much like my hopes and dreams, I thought they were tucked away inside the walls.

Jesus

Now don't panic. I'm not saying I wasn't saved, or that I had been living a lie to please others. No, deep in my heart there was a genuine desire to know the Savior who suffered for me. Who said I was worth it. Who paid the highest price. But what I didn't understand, was that by locking my hopes and dreams so deep inside, I was holding on so tightly, and I was not allowing Him to shape and mold my dreams. When I said "no way! That dream is too big! I could never do something like that! I better come up with something a little more... achievable." When I looked at myself and hated who I was, or thought I was a mistake, or that I had messed up too many times for Him to possibly ever choose to use someone like me.... I put a wall between Him and my dreams. This... is what leads to heartbreak. When you build your hopes and dreams on the One who holds your heart, they are protected, and He will shape them. But when you lock Him out and start to form your own dreams and plans, claiming it all in the name of Jesus. Claiming He must be leading... because it's what you want... Can I tell you... that's a painfully wrong road to venture down. And yes, my God is faithful to redeem. He can work all things for the good of those He loves (Rom. 8:28). But how much less painful could it have been to just submit and allow Him into the plans in the first place.

Heartbreak - watching friendships I thought would or should last a lifetime... crumble; seeing a "potential relationship" stripped away... all because I let my heart go too deep to soon; having to come to a painful place of admitting my pride... and admitting I was wrong. Of being so defiant that only in total brokenness could I be brought to my knees and be ready to submit.

Was all of this fun? NO! Am I saying that Jesus caused me all this pain in order to bring me to this place?... That's a theological question that I don't see the point in arguing over. Because what I do know is this: Whether I choose to follow the Lord or not, He will love me, and He desires to be with me. Whether I choose to spit in His face every time I think I am not worth it or I see the beauty He has created and allow that to strengthen me... It's not about what HE has put me through or made me suffer... it's about the choices I made, whether right - allowing Him to work the way He desires. or wrong, causing Him to have to redeem - unless I begin to take responsibility, and realize I play an ACTIVE part in my life... hope will continue to lead to heartbreak. Because my hope must be built on the ONLY solid foundation of Jesus Christ, or it will fail. I must both hold tightly to my dream - pursuing it passionately, desiring to see it to completion, AND hold it with open hands, knowing that the Lord is the one to protect it, and I must be willing to allow Him to shape it and to change it. It may look different than I ever hoped/thought/dreamed it would. But I promise you, walking with Him is much sweeter than anything I could do on my own.

And when I am walking in His plan for my life, allowing Him to shape my dreams... it's ok to allow others in. Now I'm not saying share everything the Lord ever downloads into your life, and not everyone is supposed to be shared with. You know you have those people in your life who won't understand, or will tell you to do something more practical.... BUT! You also have those people who also love the Lord, and understand that He doesn't always work in the ways we think He should or in the ways that seem most logical to us. And when you are able to share with them both the excitement of what the Lord is doing in and through you, as well as what you think He is calling you to... they are there to help. They will be excited with you! They will encourage you to reach for the things you don't think are attainable. And when, if for a moment, you forget where the Lord is taking you, they are there to remind you, to help pick you back up off the ground if you fall, and give you a gentle nudge back in the right direction.

Sometimes you just have to smile and wave

You  ever have one of those days? You know... the kind that make you want to curl back up in bed and pretend like the day never happened. But in the midst of that, you have great friends who know how to cheer you up... and then... that ONE thing... that, had that been the only thing... would have been manageable, but because of your day it just sent you over the top. But you can't show that it sent you over the top, I mean lets be honest, it was probably your boss that sent you over the top, and well, blowing up in front of him would get you fired. So, rather than loose it you bottle it all deep inside you and you politely respond to your boss and he's none the wiser. Does him being ignorant to the rage within you make it any less wrong to be that angry? Don't get me wrong, I am not about to justify anger - unless it's the righteous kind (but there's a different blog post for that discussion). However, how you handle yourself IS a sign of how well you are doing. See, I'm the type of person that, at one point, would have blown up and called it a day, started packing my stuff, and head home... but when you are that type of person, and learn to handle the anger, and deal with it like a human being... it is a sign of growth, and a sign of hope, that some day just as you progressed from exploding to containing you may reach a place where you are no longer angered at all.
These experiences that "make us angry" they were not put in our lives just to make us angry... but it's up to us to CHOOSE how we respond. Where is your heart?

When the world seems to be crashing around you

When the world seems to be crashing around you..... it's good to be in the company of friends. Not just the friends you hang with to have a good time, not just the "fair weather friends" but the true friends, the ones that can see the walls falling down, and choose to be the pillars that continue to hold them up. Sometimes, holding up a pillar doesn't look quite like we think it should... then again, sometimes we don't realize everything is crashing down.
I guess I'm just finding that the best friendships aren't always the ones that sit and listen and just tell you everything is going to be ok, or allow you to keep doing what you were doing. Sometimes the best friendships are the ones that force you to talk, the ones that tell you to "stop it" when you're being selfish. They tell you when you are running from your past, or carrying guilt from it. And while all of those things seem harsh or unkind... it deepens trust. And trust... well... being able to trust someone is a very important thing. Biblical even.
Proverbs 18:24 states: "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother."
Family loves at all times, family will be there for you, but sometimes friends stick around longer, support longer, speak harsher loving truth into your life, and while I'm sure this sounds cliche... Family loves because they're family... friends love out of a choice...
I'm so thankful for the loving, faithful Christian friends the Lord has placed in my life.

For my friends who've seen the walls crashing and held them up for me, I may not have known it at the time, I may have even seemed mad at you, but seeing it now, I understand... and I could never fully express my gratitude to you. Thank you.

Love

Love.... when you read that word you may think of several different things... a significant other; a song "L is for the way you look at me.."; perhaps a family member - a mother, father, sister, or brother; or... perhaps you thought of the negative side of love... the heart break when someone you love lets you down, runs out on you, decides not to return the love. Whatever it may be, we all know the pain of love. Is this why we can't fathom the unconditional, unfailing love of the Father? To us, love is a human emotion, an interaction and feeling between two people. But to the Lord, it's so much more. If our understanding of love shifted from human love to the perfect love of God, would we still see a side of love that includes pain?
As a human, we feel an attachment, it grows, and we put ourselves out there, sacrificing, giving, and in return we see nothing... and we think that the person all of our efforts have been pointed toward must not love us... because we expect something in return. Let me say that again.... human love expects something in return for sacrifice.
Now let's take a look at the love of the Father... Romans 5:7-8 states "very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Did you catch the implication? With NO EXPECTATION of us loving Him in return; Christ suffered a brutal death for us.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 in the amplified bible reads "4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. 5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. 6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. 7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]."
When we choose to view love in a biblical way, and allow it to be God's love in us, and that is the motivation for sacrifice, there is no expectation of receiving love in return. The satisfaction of knowing that the Lord unconditionally loves you is enough when the "pain" of love starts to creep in, you can recognize it for what it is... a LIE; a lie that the devil wants you to believe, because if he can get you to believe the lie that you are unloved and all alone, it becomes harder to see how loved you truly are.

Lord, teach me to love like you love. Keep my heart held safely in your hands. Help me to recognize when I am believing the lie that I am unloved or alone. Give me a new revelation of Your love. 
In Jesus Name,
Amen

The Beauty in the Storm

How many times do we as Christians think... I'm in a "stormy season," and we use this phrase to describe when things are hard... when life just can't seem to go right no matter how hard we try.
I was outside a few nights ago, watching one of Texas' famous "everything is bigger in Texas" size thunderstorms. Have you ever stopped to just watch and listen? As I was watching the Lord decided to reveal some things about Himself through His creation.
First, when I was younger I was VERY afraid of thunderstorms, now I enjoy watching them. So many people fear the Lord, in an unhealthy way, but when we finally stop to recognize Him and what is really happening, we find joy and pleasure in a Father who loves us unconditionally. We enjoy spending time with Him.
Take for example the thunder and lightning, while to some they are frighting, they reveal awe, power and wonder. Why does thunder exist... where does the noise come from? How beautiful are the strikes of lightning as they light up the sky, each with a unique pattern. This is not by accident, it is the Lord.
Another example... rain. WE so often think that it means we can't go outside, or "oh no my hair." Well, in Texas we recognize a couple of different things about rain. It brings LIFE and refreshing to the dry and thirsty ground, and it clears the humidity and cools the air, making what could be an unbearable day a lot more bearable.

Like the Lord lights the sky with lightning in a storm... listen to this song by The Afters, and allow Him to light up your life.

The Only Time Getting Lost is a good thing

Getting lost. Typically those words carry a negative connotation. You don't know where you are, or how to get where you're going. But in Dannah Gresh's book Get Lost, they are the words to describe the exact place you need to be. This book is an excellent guide to getting lost in God. Whether you are a young woman or an older woman looking for a resource to help mentor younger women... this is the book for you! The book is broken into sections, the first to help understand why we as women seek a relationship with a man the way we do, the second to take a break from men, and feast on God, and His love, and the third to evaluate, based on what you learned through the book, how to know if you are ready for a relationship. Dannah does a great job of encouraging throughout the book that you not go through the book just so you can say you are lost in God and assume that will bring about a man. If you are single and looking for any way to make getting a man faster.... this isn't going to be what you're looking for. But if you're looking to be content, get the most out of your time being single, and genuinely prepare yourself to be the best woman for the man God has designed for you, look no further than this book!
Here are some resources related to Dannah Gresh, her ministry, and the book itself. Enjoy!

Pure Freedom
Dannah Gresh Podcast
Chapter 1 sneak peek
want to buy the book?

New Song up

It's been a long time since I've mentioned anything about my bandcamp site. You know, that place where I put the music that I'm writing. Yeah, it's pretty cool I guess. You should check it out http://kaylarichardson.bandcamp.com/ and if you know anything about music and would like to give me feedback on how to improve know that your feedback is more than welcome!

All that to say, I just put a new song up, so you should go check it out!

Relentless Pursuit

As many people who follow my blog know, I've been touring this year with Acquire The Fire. The theme of this year was Relentless Pursuit. When spring tour started we read a book by John Bevere (check out his Bio here John Bevere Bio ) While that one was required, I pursued further reading... and interestingly enough, John Bevere wrote a book called Relentless. It seemed all too fitting to read since it had the same title as our tour.

Relentless was a challenging book to read. It took me several months to read because I had to keep reading everything over to know that I truly understood what was being said. Not that the words were too big, or unclear, but if nothing else, one thing is for sure, Relentless will challenge the way you think and believe, and more importantly why you believe that way. John Bevere does an excellent job of backing up his statements with several scriptures. What each person gets out of this book is related to where they are at in life, but the beautiful thing is, no matter what stage of life you're in, there's something in this book for you.
If you're looking for a book that will give you a jump start to a deeper relationship with the Lord, this is it!
Check out the first chapter here. I think you'll be hooked.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Don't be a deadbeat Dad

Don't be a deadbeat Dad... why the title? Why does it sound so harsh? Let me explain.

For so long I heard people say... your view of the Lord is related to how you view your dad. For a long time I sort of thought 'whatever, maybe it's true for some people, but surly not everyone.' Recently though I have been seeing things in my dad, that for many reasons, before now I had missed. And as I notice those things in my own father, I can hear the Lord say... "Kayla, that's how I am too" My dad loves me, he takes care of me, and even goes above and beyond for my sake. How much more does my heavenly Father, who has all the resources He wants, go above and beyond for me? Daily He wants  to encounter us.

So children, mothers, wives, this isn't as much for you as it is for Dads. It's a pleading. Be the man that God wants you to be. Live a life that your children can look at you and see the positive qualities of the Lord. Live a life that draws your children to the Lord. Don't get me wrong, the Lord disciplines, so by no means am I saying to not discipline and to just spoil your children, but examine your life. Are you slow to anger? Do you love your children and show them that you love them even in the midst of discipline? Do they know that no matter what they do, you will always be waiting for them to come back to you? Do your daughters know that they can confide in you and that you are their protection until the right man comes into their lives?

Don't let the moments when they are young pass you by. It is much harder to repair a relationship than to start it off right. Am I saying it's impossible to repair? No, nothing is impossible with the Lord. What I am saying is starting off right is like starting at the top of the mountain, but repairing the relationship requires climbing the mountain first.

I leave you with this...

Ephesians 6:1-4 (amplified version)

1Children, obey your parents in the Lord [as His representatives], for this is just and right.

² Honor (esteem and value as precious) your father and your mother—this is the first commandment with a promise—

³ That all may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.

⁴ Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord.

Righteous Anger

To be truthful, I'm not sure where this blog is going to lead. I'm not sure what the content will be, I just know I have something to say regarding the way society is and is headed. Fear not, this is NOT going to be a bash Obama or a redeem Romney blog. It's not about the presidential debates or the election. It's about PEOPLE. Humans who choose to live in a certain way. It's about the destruction I see happening around me every day while SO MANY PEOPLE choose to ignore it.

right·eous

 [rahy-chuh s] 

adjective

1.

characterized by uprightness or morality: a righteous observance of the law.

2.

morally right or justifiable: righteous indignation.

3.

acting in an upright, moral way; virtuous: a righteous and godly person.

an·ger

 

[ang-ger]

noun

1.

a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.

2.

Chiefly British Dialect . pain or smart, as of a sore.

3.

Obsolete . grief; trouble.

verb (used with object)

4.

to arouse anger or wrath in.

5.

Chiefly British Dialect . to cause to smart; inflame.

Bible Dictionary
Anger definition

the emotion of instant displeasure on account of something evil that presents itself to our view. In itself it is an original susceptibility of our nature, just as love is, and is not necessarily sinful. It may, however, become sinful when causeless, or excessive, or protracted (Matt. 5:22; Eph. 4:26; Col. 3:8). As ascribed to God, it merely denotes his displeasure with sin and with sinners (Ps. 7:11).

Why do I add those definitions you ask? Well, perhaps so I can evaluate myself, and if what I am feeling is in fact a combination of those two words "righteous anger" These words are used I think too frequently in the Christian circle. Used to excuse anger which is in fact, not a righteous anger. Why do I make such a bold statement? First let's examine righteous - uprightness or morality, morally right or justifiable, acting in an upright way. Can someone who is not living this definition in their lives - so, someone who is not living morally - be qualified to have righteous anger? Is the righteousness confined specifically to the area that is provoking the anger? Now, I'm not saying that I expect people to be perfect. That's impossible, because we are human, we will fail, we do sin. But, are you trying to live in a way that reflects righteousness, and Christ, or are you going to church on Sunday, claiming you're a Christian and living a totally different way throughout the week? On to anger - a strong feeling of displeasure (nothing wrong so far) and belligerence aroused by a wrong... lets quickly examine belligerence - Aggressive or warlike behavior. Now that might be a problem. But, is that just because this is the world's definition of anger? Well, that's why I included the bible definition of anger. (see above). So to combine righteous and anger - to me would seem to mean - a morally right and justifiable strong feeling of displeasure aroused by a wrong. 

All of that considered I shall continue with my post.
What brings me to think "righteous anger"? Well for starters, the exploration of facebook to find so many "friends" who use horrible language, live a wild lifestyle and choose to walk in sin, and occasionally, when everything is going "perfect" in their lives  be all like "Thank you Lord". Now don't get me wrong, it's great that they acknowledge the Lord, but it causes displeasure in me when there are so many people pursuing the Lord consistently, and trying to bring others to Christ through love and their Christ like lives, and people like mentioned above ruin it because non-Christians see that and think ALL Christians are FAKE LIARS.
Please, I know I've made my share of mistakes, I know I'm not perfect... but I am trying. I want the Lord to have the praise, honor, adoration, glory, and reverence He is due. I want to live a lifestyle that reflects who I am and what I claim to be - not by the world's definition, not by the church's definition, but by how the Bible commands me to live. How Christ guides me to live. 
I'm not always going to be able to say "thank you Lord" because things are going fantastic, I am going to face trials, I am going to be tempted, it IS going to be hard. That's why the Lord commands us to "take up their cross daily" (Luke 9:23) not "enjoy the rest of life it will be a breeze". Stop blaming God for putting you in the position of being pregnant out of wedlock and not knowing who the father is... YOU chose to sleep with that many guys. Stop blaming God for your divorce... did you invite Him into the marriage?  Stop blaming God that you're grounded or your parents are angry with you or don't trust you... YOU chose to go out and get drunk when you said you were going to go bowling. Am I making the point yet?
The God of the Bible, the one true God, He wants to work all things out for GOOD... but there is a requirement on our part... we have to trust Him and know that we are called according to HIS purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Now, I'm sure some people who read this will be less than pleased with what I have to say. It will cause some to be uncomfortable, or to feel conviction that they fall into this category. Some will criticize me for being so bold as to actually say something that counteracts our self-focused, self-indulging, whatever-makes-me-feel-good culture. But I dare say, there will be the few, the called, the true followers of Christ, who will rise with me, and make a change.
It's all worth it for the glory of the Lord.
Let us never loose focus to become angry out of our own gain. 



*Please know this is said out of a desire to see change and NOT to condemn. If I have said all this, and have not love for the people, I gain nothing. Please know it is love and compassion that calls for a change*

Setting up another blog

For someone who has never blogged before this year, I certainly have been doing a lot more blogging than I thought I ever would. I had to set up a second blog today, it will be specifically focused on my year on ministry team and what the Lord is doing each week. The Ministry Team Road Managers had us all set one up in hopes of it being a good place to keep supporters updated, and wanting to continue to give, as fund raising is much harder while on the road.
If you want to check it out the link is http://relentlesspursuit2012.blogspot.com/
Pre production started officially on Monday. We've been working fairly short days compared to what we will be once we are in full swing, I'm grateful for the extra down time we have right now. I lost my voice over the weekend, so I'm glad to finally have that back. I'm so excited to see what this next year has in store for me. I find out tomorrow what my role for the next year will be and I am excited yet nervous. There is a specific job that I am hoping to get, but I am praying and trusting the Lord is in control and He knows what is best for me over my own will. We will see what happens soon.
I told myself I was going to be in bed early tonight... and while as early as I hoped will not be happening, I am going to leave now and get the much needed rest that I can while I still have the opportunity to.
For everyone at home know that I miss you dearly and hopefully I can see a lot of you at the Des Moines ATF this year.

It's Been a LONG Time

Hello! Yes, I am still alive. And I am truly sorry it has been so long since my last post. Though, I am glad to say that there are several good reasons (or excuses... see them as you will) that I have not been posting; and that's what this post shall be about. ALL of the things I have been doing (in summary form of course) that have kept me from blogging.
In May - I spent a weekend hanging out with my family core, we went to a couple of different lakes... and that's a long story, but let's just say it was an adventure, and of course made memories. The next weekend (which was an extended one) was the School of Worship GI retreat. We went to a camp ground by Houston and had a great time relaxing and being refreshed in the Lord without the business of campus. Needless to say, the month of May found me in a season of enjoying the weather before it got too hot!
Now lets venture into June - the first weekend of June we had the Celebration LTE, where we were able to CELEBRATE everything we have accomplished this year as well as how much we have grown. We have somewhat of an... Olympic competition... though we have some novelty competitions like pie eating to make it a bit more fun. I worked the next couple of days, then had the joy of being able to go home for a two week vacation. While the long drive home was less that fun, I did get to break it up over a couple of days, of which I was greatful. Driving through the hottest part of the day would not have been fun with no A/C. I'm glad to say I have a wonderful dad who worked hard while I was home and I got to come back to campus with A/C fully functional. When I got back to campus the summer schedule was in full swing. That means I'm working odd hours, sometimes 6 days a week for a few hours each day, sometimes only 3 or 4 days a week with much longer days. Needless to say that keeps me busy and on my toes.
In the midst of all my work business I am learning to fight for time to develop myself outside of the classes and sessions we have. I just finished reading Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere. It was a good book, and I would recommend it to any women looking for something to inspire you. I'm now diving into a second book and have weekly goals set for the rest of the summer, this is a new adventure, and it's proven to be a difficult one... but I know I am going to grow and for that I am excited.

Chantelle Nelson

There is a woman on campus who I would like to honor today. Her name is Chantelle Nelson. She lives in my house and is in The School of Worship program with me. Why honor her today? What is so special about this woman over anyone else? Well, there are qualities of this woman that have frequently gone overlooked, and today I would like to bring them to light. Chantelle is a woman of God who works diligently and many times works above and beyond what is required of her. She is always encouraging others and while some may say things just to encourage others, you can tell when Chantelle speaks it is always true and from her heart. She is a joy to be around. Chantelle interacts with many undergraduate interns and works to grow them and mentor them. I also have the joy of friendship with this amazing woman who has been an ear to listen and help me process and ALWAYS points me back to the Lord when going through hard times. This year I have seen Chantelle grow spiritually and learn more and more to rely on the Lord in all circumstances. Right now Chantelle is relying on the Lord to provide finances, she has worked and worked and worked to see money come in, and at every deadline the Lord has some how made a way. There is another deadline fast approaching, would you be willing to join me in honoring Chantelle? Would you be willing to give a tax deductible donation to help her stay at the Honor Academy and continue to walk in what the Lord is doing in Chantelle's live and through her life. Any amount helps, $1, $5 (one less medium drink at Starbucks this week?), $10. Whatever you have and can give I know would bless Chantelle more than words could express. Would you also join me in prayer for Chantelle, that once again the Lord would be faithful and provide what she needs to stay.
Here is the information you will need to donate to Chantelle. Remember all donations are tax deductible.

US donors can donate online at https://secure.teenmania.com/transactiontool/search/ha or by phone by calling 888-419-8336 or 1-903-324-8123. International donors may call those same numbers. If you are in Canada, you may donate online at http://teenmania.ca/index.php?target=donate and select the Honor Academy Intern option or by phone at 800-747-5949.

Name: Chantelle Nelson 

ID# 2545063

Chantelle leading worship on campus

Update on the hard decisions

In my last post I eluded to some challenging decision that I was facing. Well I'm on the other side of those decisions now so I thought I would explain more. I was going through the process of deciding about staying next year. I had two opportunities, but neither was a for sure thing. Then, I found out that I had been accepted to do both programs. I had an opportunity to stay another year in The School of Worship where I would have been touring or I could stay with the Ministry Team. I have decided to stay and do Ministry Team. Yes, it's that thing that I'm constantly talking about even though I'm not a part of it, so I suppose it's only fitting that I will be a part of it for next year. I will be touring around the country with about 30 other people and we will be responsible for setting up the Acquire the Fire events as well as making sure everything runs smoothly throughout the events.  It seems so crazy that I have been called to walk away from music and all of that, but I know that it is only for a season and  that while I won't have the constant opportunities to play that I did this year, there will hopefully still be opportunities to play sometimes.
Though this whole decision making there is one thing that has been constant. The Lord's faithfulness. There were many points in my decision where I was asking the Lord what He wanted me to do and I would just sit and be overwhelmed by His faithfulness in answering those prayers. It was even more overwhelming looking back to see how He pieced all of those things together to make it even more clear.
His revelation of His characteristics to me has been so amazing. I can't wait to see the things He will continue to reveal as I continue a Relentless Pursuit of Him over the next year.

All is for Your Glory

It's days like today that the reality of dangerous prayers really sinks in. There is a weight, a responsibility that we must come to understand before we begin to ask God why. God is a faithful God, and He answers prayers. That's why.
Where is all of this coming from? About a week or so ago, I heard this song, "All is For Your Glory" the chorus... or perhaps the bridge... either way it goes like this "Put me anywhere, just put your Glory in me. I'll serve anywhere, Just let me see Your beauty" When I heard this, it ran deeply through me. I prayed, "Yes God, put me anywhere, because I want you to be glorified over what I want". Or at least something to that effect. Well, I'm starting to see the effects of such a prayer. See, I had next year planned out. I had my if this happens then or if this doesn't happen then... I had it all figured out. Not to say that I wasn't relying on the Lord. For sure He was my top priority, trusting that He was directing all of my decisions. But today all of my decisions were shaken. I had finally been at peace about not doing some of the things that I enjoy, or have a passion for, in order to pursue other things that I also have a heart and passion for. Simply because the right doors were not open. Now I'm staring at two doors that are wide open, and yet, at any moment either one can be slammed in my face. I know the Lord is sovereign and He ultimately will make it all work out, but in the moment I'm being forced to choose... HOW willing am I, REALLY to serve ANYWHERE as long as it is for the Lord's Glory, or is it more about where I think I can succeed or do well.
Why do I say all this, not even knowing if it all makes sense? Because I am choosing to continue to pray "PUT ME ANYWHERE" I am choosing to make it about His glory, and knowing that there may be pain along the road, but in the end it WILL be worth it. Because the Lord is my Joy and my Delight. What part do you have to play in this? Join with me in prayer, I have invited people to pray the dangerous prayers, and I must continue to bear the weight and responsibility of that and trust the Lord, not ask Him why, because I already know why. Pray with me, pray what the Lord puts on your heart. Pray that His will be done. Pray that no matter where He puts me it is for His glory and that I will honor that.

This is the song... in it's fullness. Please check it out. Are you willing to declare "Put me anywhere, just put Your glory in me. I'll serve anywhere, just let me see Your beauty."

March Madness is winding Down

I thought about starting my post with... "Well", but I've been told I start every post that way. So I won't. It's almost the end of March and an exciting opportunity is just around the corner. To say I'm nervous is an understatement of what I'm feeling, but I know that it will all be good in the end. On Monday I begin a two week long process of Ministry Team Roads. I know it's going to be challenging and I know I am going to learn a lot from it. I think it's the "it's going to be challenging" part that makes me nervous. But, I am excited too. If I go through this process well, I may be accepted to stay at Teen Mania for a third year. It would look very different than anything I've done so far, but I know it would be good. Even though I'm not quite seeing how everything is fitting together as I am going through it, as I look back over last year, and the things I have learned so far this year, I can see a connection in the process, and I am grateful to know I am not the same person I was two years ago.
Last night I helped my sister from last year with leading her Core. It was on compromise. She shared a great quote by C.S. Lewis from The Screwtape Letters:

 "Indeed the safest road to hell is the gradual one --the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts..." 

See, it's not the big compromises, you know, the ones that everyone calls us out on, that hinder our walk with the Lord. No, those are usually corrected quickly. It's the small ones, the compromise that goes seemingly unnoticed that leaves us wondering why we can't hear the Lord or why life seems to be going so bad. While I helped lead core, I always seem to get a little something for myself out of it as well. It challenged me to think about what areas I may be compromising in. I hope it does the same for you. 

VIDEO!

Well, it's time for round two on the video posts. I'm not sure if anyone actually enjoys them but, I have fun doing them and it seems a little more personal to get to see my face. :)

OH! I forgot to mention in the video... (and by the time I realized didn't want to go through uploading it all over again) March 1 was yesterday, which means I can officially date! The Lord is still working on a lot and so I'm content with the fact that I'm not dating, but there is a freedom in knowing I CAN when the right man comes along.

No Clever titles

Well, it's been a while, so what's been happening.... well, to work my way backwards... I'm super excited for tonight... but I can't say why yet or I'll ruin a surprise. This weekend the interns had their Fasting LTE.  Blaise Foret was here and it was amazing. One night he talked about the cross and had some really good things to say that reminded me of the reason I started the blog in the first place -- because I want the cross. I want to make that DAILY choice of Jesus and the life I have in Him.  A lot of lives were changed and it was so good to be able to be a part of that.
I have been reading through the book The Pursuit of Holiness and it has been changing my perspective and giving me profound revelation not only in the way that I look at holiness but also about how those around me see it and it's making a lot of things make sense.
The following are a couple of exerts from the book.

"To regard wickedness is to cherish some sin, to love it to the extent that I am not willing to part with it.  I know it is there, yet I justify it in some way like the child who says, "Well, he hit me first."  When we are holding on to some sin, we are not pursuing holiness and we cannot have fellowship with God."
"Whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind--that thing is sin to you. Susannah Wesley"

Another exciting thing is just around the corner... ok, well maybe not so exciting, but it seems to be a milestone in my life that the Lord is working me toward..... something that we affectionately call... MARCH MADNESS. No, I'm not talking about basketball. I'm talking about March 1st... the all important date when August Graduate interns (with some exceptions) are allowed to date! Now don't be overly excited, most of March madness is hype for something that doesn't really happen. Sure, you'll see a few people start to date, but they are definitely the minority. So... that being said why do I bring it up? Well, like I said, it is a milestone in my life. I'm not exactly positive what this milestone is, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with contentment. See, up til this point not dating has been a rule... not a choice, so all I had to do was submit to the rule. When March rolls around, that all changes. It's no longer a rule that I must submit to, but it is something that I will have to learn to be content with not dating. How do I know that I will not be dating? Well, I don't and there IS a longing within me to have someone, to know that I am being pursued by someone who will love me in the way that I have learned to be loved, and learned to love. So I am open, but looking at my friendships with guys, I just don't see it happening in 10 days. Guess we'll just have to see what madness happens when March rolls around.

Heart Cries

Well I finally have all the songs I've recorded up on a website called bandcamp. My link is http://kaylarichardson.bandcamp.com/  You will notice that I have what appears to be an "album title" as well as three individual songs up.  I wanted to give a short explanation of why I chose the album title that I did. If you look at the lyrics of each song they all have a common theme. They are all things that in some point in time in my journey to grow closer to Christ have been the cry of my heart. Vessel came out of a desire to be poured into more so that I would be more effective when I was ministering to others. Here I Am came out of a time of desperation, where the Lord was meeting me on a deep level and I was overwhelmed by what He was doing in my life. Along those same lines Words Can't Describe really came from an emotional time where I was so overwhelmed by the Lord's love that I didn't know how to say how grateful I was.
So that's just a little bit of my heart behind each song. Enjoy!

Exciting news

Well, I'm finally partially on my way to having my songs up. I am still exploring some options, but in the meantime check out this link with one song up. Here I Am This is just a sample of all that I am learning at the Honor Academy. If you would like to donate to my account you can follow the link on the right side of my page.